Although the stereotypical victim of abuse is a female, reality has shown that men are sometimes victims of abuse by their partner. The US Bureau of Justice estimates that 15% of abuse victims are male.

The 2001 study between the Justice Dept. and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that nearly 7% of men have been assaulted or raped by a current or former partner. Shockingly, the study also revealed that

Approximately 800,000 men annually are assaulted by their intimate partner.

The stigma of being a male victim of abuse can be overwhelming. In my work, I come into contact with male victims. Sometimes they are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts because of the helplessness they feel. Other times they have escaped the relationship, but have a residual anger and frustration because of the way they were treated. In every case, they feel that society has overlooked the fact that women can be perpetrators of abuse, too.

There are resources out there for male victims of abuse. Few men know it, but many of the "women’s centers" actually have programs designed to help male victims as well. They often offer counseling, legal support, shelter, group therapy, and other programs to assist the men. For someone going through an abusive relationship it is worth a call to the local centers or police to see what resources are available.

Something that the public also needs to realize is that abuse isn’t just physical. It isn’t just the leaving of some bruises. Abuse can be just as damaging when it’s emotional, sexual, financial, spiritual. The following are some examples of the types of abuse as I listed them in my book When Love Turns to Fear: Answers from an Abuse Survivor.

If someone’s relationship has the above characteristics, you can believe there is abuse going on. Help and intervention is needed. And, most experienced counselors who deal with abuse will advocate the couple getting individual counseling, not joint marital or partner counseling. Why? Because this will give the partners time to work on their own behaviors and to learn healthier patterns and boundaries. Distance is necessary while each commits to change. This also gives the victim safety (emotional and physical) and lets the victim see if the abuser really is committed to change and can change. Most abusers don’t. Time will tell if they can or will.

So, if you’re in this situation:

• Tell Someone Professional – go to an experienced counselor in this area
• Make Some Distance from Abuser – find out what boundaries you need to make
• Know You’re not Unique in this Experience – don’t let shame/fear overwhelm you
• Realize there Can Be Solutions – you’re action will provide the door for hope

The victims of abuse aren’t always female. Anyone who has been a victim needs resources and support. Then that person can turn from "victim" into "success story". That’s the goal, and it is possible!

Alison Ogden
Alison is author of When Love Turns to Fear: Answers from an Abuse Survivor, and creator of the "We’ve Got the Power!" Seminars. Her website is www.whenloveturnstofear.com